1 post from March 2009

Anyone ever have someone in their life that you know isn't good for you yet you found it hard to let go?  Then, finally there was that straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak and you finally got rid of them and then life once again makes sense, the planets are aligned with Aquarius...and Mercury...and the total eclipse of the heart is just a mere bad memory?  Well, this was my drama for the year (because I refuse to have anymore, dangit!).  Fortunately, there was not a whole lot to it since I actually hadn't seen the person-in-question since last year (albeit in December), yet the drama continued.  Why, do you ask?  Well, the only explanation is that I allowed it to.  I was one of those poor souls who thought if gave this particular person the benefit of the doubt, he'd live up to it....right?  Wrong.  And yes, I knew better bla bla bla...but still. 

Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way, and as old as I am, I'm suprisingly still learning such things.  I sensed that things were less-than-kosher since the beginning but my denial was already in full force.  I wish I could explain why I just didn't see the light and act upon it sooner, but I can't.  It's just one of those things.

However, the distance and the lack of communication were all to my benefit, in retrospect. How can you miss what you never had?  How can you feel bad for what was never good?  At one point when communications started up again, there was a fleeting moment of backsliding...I almost let myself believe that things could get better...that the recent happenings were just a setback.  Thank God plans to see him again didn't pan out, because the extra time allowed me to come to my senses.  Even the anticipation of seeing him again brought back all the "old" feelings....unfortunately, not all were good.  All the anxiety and worry that isn't supposed to occur in any healthy relationship was back in full-force.  This was not good.  What was I thinking?!  How would it be "bad" to cut my losses?

A no-brainer in retrospect, it was a difficult decision just a few months ago because there was always that nagging thought that maybe I was overreacting or reading things wrong.  No doubt about it, there's a lot to be said for one's intuition.  Your gut does not lie to you.  Always trust it.

The postponed hook-up was revisited recently but instead of being the accommodating welcome mat that I had been, I decided that it wasn't worth it to me anymore to let this person manipulate me into thinking everything was fine.  It was far from it.  When someone makes you sick to the point that you lose a lot of weight, consider doing things that you know make you uncomfortable, and experience feelings just short of a serious anxiety-attack...that person is not worth your time nor effort.  Just a little word to the wise.

Of course these megalomaniacs do not see any wrong in their own behavior.  The person-in-question had NO idea why I had a change of heart...just completely flabbergasted him.  He honestly believes that the world revolves around him and that people (apparently this has happened to others) should abide by his wishes and do things at his convenience.  Funny how things don't actually work that way.  I could have been more harsh, but I figure it probably wouldn't do much good to try and "put him in his place" so to speak. 

I imagine he'll keep going on his merry way and piss off enough people so that someday, he'll realize he got exactly what he deserved.  Unfortunately for some other poor soul out there, that day may not come soon enough.

Scandal - Good Bye To You

Scandal