Lost Tawk: Meet Kevin Johnson

Another much-anticipated show of the season.  After last week's woeful misdiagnosis (on my part) of the Sun/Jin FF/FB one-two-punch, I was careful to watch this episode without any distractions AND with the glasses on.  What a novel idea, I know.  With so much talk about "we're going to find out who else is going to die" and "the rundown of the official O6" the hype was almost too much to bear.  Almost.

The show started off with a longer-than-usual recap of Michael and what his deal was before HP left the show and came back again.  On the freighter, after lying his way to the engine room where the deckhands seem to double as engineers, and with Desmond in tow (MMMMmmm Desmond!), Sayid calls "Kevin Johnson" out on his b.s. and coerces him to tell him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth regarding what he's doing there and why he's under an alias.  Michael sends the other random freighter dude on a wild goose chase (ok, not so much, but he must not be very bright being gone for so long) and Sayid proceeds to inflict bodily harm upon Michael unless he 'fesses up.  Up on deck, there was some scuffle with some of the crew wanting to take an inflatable raft and go on an excursion.  The captain thought it was not such a good idea and roughs up the perpetrators in reprimand.  Michael's reason for being there, "I'm here to die."  Dun DUn DUNNNNN!

Meanwhile, back at Camp Locke, Benry, Miles and the gang are all playing Scrabble and eating pound cake.  Ok, maybe not so much playing Scrabble, but they're all together in a room while Locke explains to the "good" losties that the "bad" likes of Benry and Miles are there because they have a plan and Michael is Ben's MotB and they're really "good" guys.  The losties are like, "WHA?"  And Locke is like, "Yea," and Sawyer is all, "GRR!" and Hurley's all, "Duude," and Ben is all, "they're baaaaad" and Miles is all, "Ben's giving me a zillion dollars, beeyotches!"  I wonder what ever happened to that grenade Locke was making Miles eat.

Since the title of this episode is a giveaway that it's going to be all about Michael, we get right to his flashback.  Or flashforward.  Whatever.  Turns out, Walt has condemned him for killing Libby and AnaLucia (applause from me) and no longer wants anything to do with him.  Smooth move, Michael.  Some example you're setting for your 10-year-old.  So, now that Michael seemingly has nothing to live for, he wants to off himself.  In a series of botched suicide attempts, I got a Wyle E. Coyote feeling about the whole thing. It's tragic he's feeling so desperate, yet, it's so funny that nothing takes.  Just after he sells his watch (that Jin gave you, you dawg) to a pawn shop in exchange for a gun and bullets (way to go, pawnshop owner!  Guess you're not liable if no one can rat you out.), and goes into an alley to try to off himself yet again, we hear a friendly voice just in the nick of time.  And, it's our very own Mr. Friendly, Tom!

I don't think it came as a surprise to anyone to see "dead" Tom off the island, alive, in New York...on Saturday Night...!  Nah, par for the course for Lost.  He tells Michael that the island won't let him die and he has a job for him.  After the zillionth attempt at trying to off himself and not succeeding, and seeing the fake-discovery of the fake Flight 815 on the news, he visits Tom in his swanky penthouse suite (and gets introduced to Tom's squeeze, Arturo, the little scamp!).  Tom explains the staged find and gives Michael his assignment - to kill everyone on board. This, my friends, is how Michael ends up on the freighter.

After explaining this to Sayid and Desmond, Sayid gets a bug up his butt about ratting him out, takes him to the captain and does just that.  The captain looks at them as if to say, "yea, so?" but doesn't say anything.  Hmm, could he already know?  Will his next word actually be, "Duh!?"  But we're not going to find out until sometime next-freakin'-month!  Mutha-effers!!

Meanwhile, back at Camp Locke, Benry freaks at seeing Karl with his arm around Alex's waist and sends them (Karl, Alex and Danielle) into a trap back at the Temple under the premise that it's "safer" there.  Don't you guys have Benry figured out by now?  Nothing he says is true.  Well...99% of what he says is likely to be untrue.  Whatever.  The "death" hype came to be when Karl got...shot?  I don't know what they were being hit with...I thought it was a pea shooter...or a spear shooter, but the wounds looked like bullet holes.  Someone's got guns with silencers!  Another innovative Dharma-brand product!  So Karl gets it and we're like, "wow, that wasn't anything" but then ROUSSEAU gets it, and we're all OMG - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear, if TIIC killed her off without giving us the FB they promised us, there will be one angy mob knocking their doors down!  I'm in the camp (heh!) that is hoping that Danielle isn't really dead, ala Locke when Ben shot him in-the- place-where-the-kidney-was-supposed-to-be-and-therefore-really-isn't-dead kind of way.  Unfortunately, the next episode won't be shown for another 5 freakin' weeks, and when it does come back, it'll be at the ungodly hour of 10:00 pm!  OY!  Damn the writers' strike!  I want my show!!!  Oh, and I think it's lame how Aaron is one of the O6.  Laaaaaaame! [/Cartman]