Lost Tawk: 316

Eyeball! 

Hey, this looks like the series premiere of Lost as the aforementioned eyeball belongs to none other than Jack.  And, Jack is lying in the middle of the jungle just as he was when the plane first crashed.  This time, however, he’s clutching a torn piece of paper that says “I wish…”  So do I, paper, so do I.  Admittedly, I didn’t see the series premiere when it first aired BUT I do have all the DVDs so I’ve more than made up for it, but for a moment, I seriously thought they were going to recycle this scene from that first episode.  Talk about cutting corners.  But, this wasn’t the case as while Jack was checking out his surroundings, he hears someone calling for help.  That someone is Hurley.  And, he’s in the lake using his guitar case as a floatation device.  [Insert own joke here.]  As Jack takes a high dive off a cliff and “saves” Hurley in what turned out to be knee-deep water (heh), they see a passed-out Khate on a rock.  Because I know how much this show hates me, Khate was not dead, much, much to my chagrin.  In fact, she didn’t have a scratch on her.  Wow, Craphole Island really does heal all wounds.

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, the gang prepares to meet Mrs. Hawking.  As they gather in the parking lot, Benry, Jack and Sun are surprised to see Desmond walk from behind the shadows to join them.  Hey, is this where the reunion is?  Cool.  Oddly, they’re all there to see Ellie and all her weirdness.  Ah, we see where Daniel gets it from.  After lighting a few candles in her church/lecture hall/lab, she takes the troops downstairs into an unknown abyss…or what’s just a glorified basement.  With a Foucault’s Pendulum swinging in the middle of the room.  Every brilliant, mad scientist’s wet dream, right?  Sun, Jack and Desmond exchange strange glances as Eloise introduces the room/station/floor/scene as The Lamp Post.  Eloise continues to explain how they need to get back to the island and bring as much of the 06 with them as possible.  Desmond, however, won’t hear of it.  He thinks she’s crazy and asserts that he’s done with the island as far as he’s concerned.  Meanwhile, I’m on the edge of my seat for fear that my pretty, pretty Desmond is going to get clocked by the giant swinging pendulum he somehow manages to avoid!  Whew.

Back in the sanctuary, Ben again manages to avoid getting struck by lightning and looks like he’s actually praying.  And lighting candles!  Jealous that Jack has become teacher Eloise’s pet and kept him after class to explain the contents of a binder she handed him, Benry tries to drive the point home that he needs to get the 06 back to the island to help the others.  Well, not necessarily the Others others, but the others others.  Although the Others others might also be in danger considering we hadn’t seen flight attendant Cindy & the kids in eons.  Ah, who knows!

In a really weird, out-of-context scene, Jack gets called to a retirement home to retrieve some mysterious person and prevent him from running away.  After calling this said person by his first name (Ray), he suddenly switches to calling him by his real name, “Gramps/Grandpappy/Grampy” or whatever the Shephard men call their paternal grandfather when not addressing him by his first name.  Conveniently, the Senior Shephard has a pair of shoes that once belonged to Christian.  Verrrrry interesting.  And how convenient that it’s exactly what Jack needed to fulfill his “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue” to include in Locke’s casket prior to the funeral.  Except he needed something of Christian’s. 

Jack goes home and proceeds to look for the booze.  Hell, I’d have stopped off at the Quik-E-Mart and picked up a few just to be sure.  Anyway, he sensed something creepy and weird in his house and conveniently finds Khate all weird and glassy-eyed sprawled out on his bed. Where’s Aaron?  Who cares?!  And if he asks her about that again, Khate is never evah gonna speak to him again.  Think about it, Jack!  But no.  Boom chick-a-bow-bow.  Excuse me while I barf.

The next morning, a beaten and bloodied Benry calls Jack and asks him to do a favor and get John out of the deep freeze and bring him to the airport.  Because Jack is such a great friend and good sport, he obliges.  Khate, on the other hand, can’t wait to get out of his house and pretend she doesn’t know him.  That’s gratitude for ya.  Stupid Khate.  Even more stupider Jack.

And, in some frustratingly inexplicable plot twist, Sun, Khate, Hurley (huh?), Sayid (+ personal marshall), Benry and Jack all happen to be at the airport, boarding the same flight, going to the same destination, all for the same reason.  But because this show continues to frustrate, we don’t know why/how they all got there, especially Hurley (just be glad he’s there) and Sayid….except I think somehow the marshall attached to his wrist has something to do with it.  But do we get an explanation?  Hell no, that would be too logical and actually make sense.  And that’s not what this show is all about.  Geez! 

Also on board is some mysterious guy who people are speculating is a plant of Widmore’s or some other ne’er-do-well, a beaten Benry who finds time to casually read Ulysses, and our very own cleanly shaved and scrubbed Frank Lapidus! as the pilot.  Of course, Jack demands a meeting with the pilot and once Frank gets a glimpse of his passengers, he cleverly surmised that they weren’t really going to go to Guam, were they?  Heh, I missed Frank and glad he’s back.  Also, Jack finally reads the goodbye letter Locke had written him.  Oh Jack, why must you be such a big drama queen?

Turbulence.  Flash.  Boom – eyeball.  And, we’re back to the opening scene.  Ah, now it makes sense.  That wasn’t the first time the Losties crashed…it was the second.  Oy!  And the partial note Jack was clutching was John’s letter saying he wished Jack had believed him.  Poor Locke, of all the things to have Jack do.  You should have known better.  For some other inexplicable reason (GRRR!!), we don’t see any of the other passengers…not right now, anyway.  Jack, Khate and Hurley look up to the sound of a roaring engine.  No, it’s not Smokey.  It’s a brand, spanking new Dharma slug bug van!  In it is a worker in a brown Dharma uniform toting a rifle.  As it is carefully aimed at the ReLosties, their faces turn to surprise…the gun toter is none other than our very own Jin.  And Jin is rockin’ that ‘70’s perm Mike and Greg Brady did back in the day.  Coinky dink?  I think not.  Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until next time to find out what happens next.  Same bat-time.  Same bat-channel.